We Suck
at Fishing Society

President

The Order's longest-serving member and its most decorated failure. A proud son of Uxbridge, Ontario, the Bigg Boss has spent years and a small fortune chasing a single tyee, going so far as to hire professional guides and fish two rods at once, effectively doubling his odds of catching nothing. The arrangement defies all known laws of probability, made stranger still by his brother Matt, who reels in larger fish with apparent ease and no discernible effort. Scientists remain baffled. The Bigg Boss remains hopeful.

Vice President

Known across the Order as the Master Baitor, he is a property manager by trade and a master of preparation by reputation, having earned the name through an almost compulsive dedication to working his bait. No member spends more time fussing over his hook, and none has less to show for it. A devoted student of the long game, he opens each expedition with a few drinks, follows with a lengthy nap on the deck, and closes the day laughing at everyone who actually tried. He is here for the experience, not the fish, and the fish are entirely comfortable with that arrangement.

Vice President

Second only to the Bigg Boss in seniority, and second to everyone in results, Doug is an Edmonton developer who has spent decades perfecting the art of being on the boat when it happens to somebody else. No member has witnessed more tyees up close. No member has personally caught fewer. He has held the net, taken the photo, and poured the celebratory drink for catches that were never his, a streak so long it stopped being a coincidence and started being a personality.